Telling tales

Lately the kids have been mega tattletales, and it drives me nuts. We walked past another mom and kid at Target and the kid had spilled Slurpie on his shirt, they said in unison "Mooommmm that boy spilled Slurrrrpie...." Um....okay thanks. Later we pass a kid who is standing up in the cart: "Mooommmmm that girl is standing up in the cart".....on and on and on "Moommmm that baby isn't wearing shoes...." "Mooommmmm that lady is taking a long time to checkout..." over and over and over they told on people all over the damn store. Thank goodness we weren't at Walmart or the Grocery Outlet or they would have had even more things to tattle on, like babies in diapers chugging baby bottles of Mt. Dew. As I loaded them in the car I told them I was done with hearing them tattle on people, and they need to mind their own business, not the business of others. I hear Alden start to tell Ruthie something as I close the back door, and by the time I open mine I hear Ruthie say "Mooommm, Aldens' minding other peopleses businesses still..." Oy.

Twin love

Nick is cutting Ruth and Alden's nails while they draw.  

Alden:  "Hold my hand Roof."

Ruth:  "Be ray-ally ray-ally gentle da-ta."

Alden:  "Be soft."

Ruth:  "See, it's not too bad."

Alden:  "No, not too bad."

Both:  "See? All done!"

Alden:  "Can I trim your nails dada?"

One blissful hour

Today I met up with my friend Patty, we had a picnic at the park and enjoyed the sunshine.  In fact, we enjoyed it so much we left a pair of Crocs, my water bottle, a ziploc of goldfish and the kids' water bottle behind!  I went back for these items, but holy moly where is my head these days?

Anyway, Patty offered to watch the twins so I could go to the grocery store by myself.  I was skeptical b/c the kids are rarely away from me, I figured they'd revolt and want to come with me.  Ha!  Once we got to Patty's house and they saw Merrick's brand new wooden kitchen, they all but forgot my name.  

Going to the grocery store alone is a very different experience from shopping with two almost three-year old kids.  I didn't have to hunt down a cart w/two seats, I only wiped down the handle not the whole seat, and I was able to complete my list in about 15 minutes, plus another 3 for getting an iced latte at the in-store coffee bar.  I did miss the back and forth banter, Alden usually holds the list and Ruth quizzes me on random things and asks if we are going to buy beer and Cheetos for daddy.  

Tonight as I was looking at the circular, I told Roo that chicken breasts are on sale.  She grabbed the Longs ad and said "I sink (think) beer and wine are also on sale mama".   Thanks Roo.  She still has her little lisp,  I love it.  Her little tongue peeks out when she talks and her mouth makes the cutest little shapes.  

The other night I was brushing her hair and she was being very....theatrical.  Alden walked up and said "hey, what are you doing to my baby girl?"  He's such a protective big little brother.

3 going on 13

Last night at dinner Ruth was being silly, she grabbed some pasta from the serving plate instead of from the pile on her plate.  I told her she had some noodles on her plate and she said "Oh, I didn't realize that mama, sorry".  What kind of not quite 3 year old says she didn't realize?  OMG.  She had a bad case of the wiggles too, and was squirming all over the place.  After Nick told her to sit still for the 1000th time, she sighed, and said "Daddy, why you being difficult tonight?"

Bathtime Conversations

I love eavesdropping on the kids during their bath.  Tonight Ruthie decided our little rubber frog is her baby, and the baby needed to visit the doctor.  Alden is playing the part of the doctor.

Ruth:  My baby has an ouchie.

Alden:  The doctor is clo-sed.

Ruth:  My baybeeee neeedzz the docTOR!

Alden: The.doctor.is.clo-sed.,

Ruth:  OPEN!

Alden:  Okay, what you want?

At this point I stepped in and asked if the baby needs a bandaid.  Ruthie looked at me like I'm totally clueless and said "Mommy, only if it is an ima-gin-na-nary bandaid cuz we in the water".  I mimed handing a bandaid to Alden and he put it on the frog.  All was well.

The things kids say

I try not to use certain words and phrases around the kids, things like: that sucks, hate, stupid, etc. Last night at dinner, Alden asked me where my hot dog was (the kiddos got hot dogs, steak, and broccoli--Nick cooked), I told him I didn't get a hot dog and he said "that's a bummer" and gave me a slice of his. What a sweetie.

Little Diva

This morning Alden pulled out a hunk of Ruthie's hair, they were having some sort of argument. We separated them, I took Roo to the bedroom with me so I could finish drying my hair and getting dressed. I placated her by promising to brush her hair and let her put on a little makeup. Alden had to sit in timeout without his precious brown blankie from nana. This boy is ATTACHED to that dang blanket. Anyway, I brushed Roo's hair and put a bow in and I figured she forgot about the makeup promise. Not so. I should've known better. We were running late for story time, so I rushed us out the door. As soon as the other kids quieted and sat down so we could begin, Ruthie yelled out "Wait, I forgot my makeup!!" She was rather upset so I had to give her my clear Chapstick, whew. That girl, oy. She's already better at applying makeup than I am.

Mr. Convincing

Tonight as we put the kids to bed, Alden asked Nick to lay down with him. Nick said he had to go help me clean up because people were coming over, Alden told him I can clean by myself (apparently men stick together). Nick said "no, daddy needs to be nice and help mommy". Alden leaned in close and whispered "be naughty daddy, lay down". Hahaha!!! I'd much rather be snuggling with my little man than doing dishes!

Alden's newest thing is playing tricks. The other day in the car he asked where Ruthie was, I replied that she was in her carseat, and he said "No, that not Roo, that's just a stuffie", then laughed his head off. Of course I had to pretend that we left Ruthie at home and that made him laugh even harder. Little trickster.

Why that lady no find a freaking spot?

I need to stop underestimating my kids. We were driving through a parking lot and this woman was blocking the lane, I muttered something about finding a freaking spot rather than jamming up everyone else. From the backseat I hear a little voice say: "why that lady no find a freaking spot mama?". Oops. Then Alden piped up with a "what's the heck!?". They've also learned to say dammit, courtesy of their father. We passed a big billboard and Alden told me the sign said a naughty word, he totally just wanted me to ask what naughty word so he could bust out with a dammit. When we leave places Ruthie likes to say "us bouncing now", sometimes we bounce AND roll. Yeah, my kids are hip to the late 90s-early 2000 slang. Haha.

Cheers, not just for glasses!

Ruthie is very into "cheers-ing" just about anything, ice cream cones, crayons, drinks, dollies, and now......vaginas. We went to our favorite thai place the other night, it's THE BEST thai restaurant in Merced, and of course, it is freaking closing at the end of the month because of the stupid economy. Ruthie insists on bringing her Chloe doll everywhere, it is the ugliest thing ever, but she treats it like an appendage. The service was a little slow, so the kids were getting punchy. I heard Ruthie saying "cheers, cheers, cheers", I looked over and she was doing this weird dance, I asked what she was doing and she said "me's cheers-ing geenas with Chloe, cheers, cheers, cheers" while basically dry humping her doll. OMG, this girl. She cracks me up, I love her so much.

Twin love

The kids and I went to the mall today, of course we had to make a potty stop and this sweet scene unfolded:

The three of us crowded into a stall at JC Penney, Alden decided he wanted to stand to pee, so I got him into position and he let loose. I was encouraging him and he was smiling, then all of a sudden Ruthie leaned in and gave Alden a bear hug and said "Good job, I'm so proud of you Awwlden"! The hug knocked him a little off balance and the spray went a little crazy, but I hardly noticed through my misty eyes. I love it when they are so caring and supportive of each other.

This evening my dear friend Patty and I went shopping for the family my SAHM group has adopted for the holidays, we had a blast while Nick entertained the twins and Patty's son. When we got home Roo was asleep but the boys were up, waiting for their mamas. Alden's been waiting up for me when I have a rare evening out, it is so cute, he always looks a little surprised to see me then runs up for a hug.

More funnies

Wearing only her baggy underpants, Ruthie walked into the kitchen. She had one of I'm Up To No Good smirks on her sweet face, and she said:

"I hide-a my bunty inna my panties, dat's how me rolls."

and turned and walked away.

As she was walking, I noticed a little tail in her undies, sure enough, she'd stuck her bunty (pacifier) in her panties to hide it from Alden.

Alden's favorite song is "Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes" but he puts his own special spin on it:

Head
Shoulders
TESSICLES AND PENIS
AND BUTT
AND FARTS
AND BAGINA
HAHAHAHAHA

OMG, I'm not sure I'll be able to take him to story time at the library next week, that dang song is a staple. I can just picture him busting out with his special lyrics and those stuck up bitches from last week running out of the room in horror.

These kids!

Most days end with my stomach hurts from laughing so hard, that's the only abdominal workout I've had in a long time.

Ruth: Alden jacked my peas!
Alden: I love poopoo, yummy!
Ruth: Only us ladies can go inna here, you boys go inna other one *points to the men's room door*.
Alden: I voting for John McCain!
Ruth: Write my name mommy, R-U-T-H spells Ruth!
Alden: Turkey makes my tummy hurt, we have McDonalds?


After I got a speeding ticket:
Ruth: Why that man make us stop? Us going fast.