Use your inside voice when talking smack

Our local library has a story hour every Friday, a few weeks ago I noticed two newcomers. I believe they are a grandmother/daughter/granddaughter, and the grandmother is babysitting another granddaughter too. Got that? Okay. Anyway, during story time the kids tend to get up and walk around a little, nothing too bad. The twins like to get up and sit with their friends or just stand up to get the wiggles out. No biggie, right? It's a room full of toddlers, not a mausoleum. Anyway, after the story time the granny and her daughter were complaining about the level of chaos and bitching about the moms who are "just letting their kids run wild, how will they ever learn". Dude. It's story time. For toddlers. If you are that uptight now, just wait till your little darling is two. Of course, they were only complaining to each other, loudly, in front of other moms. Passive aggressive much? Ugh.

Real life is scary

So, yesterday we had this fancy box installed. It gives us over 100 TV channels! For the last 2+ years we've had an antenna and only watched ABC, CBS, NBC and sometimes Fox. Ruthie started resenting the aluminum foil helmet we made her wear, and she got too big to perch on the windowsill, so our reception has been pretty fuzzy lately.

Anyway, a whole new world has opened for me. Did you know there is a show called My Big Fat Redneck Wedding? I am seriously frightened. The episode I'm watching features a hot dog eating contest during the reception, the grandma of the bride popped out her dentures in preparation. Holy crap. Damn those red states!

Election Night

Go Obama!!! I'm so excited for this new chapter in our lives, I think Obama will do great things for our country.

The California measures, I'm not too stoked about . Prop 8 seems to be passing, mega bummer dude. I think all people should be allowed to marry, but apparently others don't believe in equal rights. Merced County voted in favor of Prop 8 at 72%!!! No wonder I feel like such an outsider. Gee whiz.

These kids!

Most days end with my stomach hurts from laughing so hard, that's the only abdominal workout I've had in a long time.

Ruth: Alden jacked my peas!
Alden: I love poopoo, yummy!
Ruth: Only us ladies can go inna here, you boys go inna other one *points to the men's room door*.
Alden: I voting for John McCain!
Ruth: Write my name mommy, R-U-T-H spells Ruth!
Alden: Turkey makes my tummy hurt, we have McDonalds?


After I got a speeding ticket:
Ruth: Why that man make us stop? Us going fast.

The Mommy Blahs

I'm in the mood for some retail therapy courtesy of my Amazon.com giftcard.

First order of business, shoes:

Did you know that Chuck Taylor Low Top Converse are now almost 40 freaking dollars??

WTF!

I'm way too stinkin' cheap to spend that much money on a pair of shoes for myself. I do need something more sensible than my usual flip-flops, so I'm going to bite the bullet. The twins run super fast now and wet flipflops aren't so good for sprinting after them when they decide to dash for the road full of pedophiles and candy and razorblades and other unsavory things.

An ethical dilemma

What would you have done?

I went to Target by myself (a rare treat). I picked up a few essentials and checked out. As I walked out I noticed that two of the items in my bag were not on the receipt. Score for me!

Okay, not really. I would have felt way guilty for keeping the items without paying, so I hustled over to the customer service desk to pay. The woman sort of acted like she thought I had stolen the items. WTF? I will always remember this Dateline or 20/20 type of show where people were on hidden camera in various scenarios. One scene involved a cashier "accidentally" giving people $20 too much in change, the people who realized it and still kept it seemed like such jerks. I wouldn't want to be that jerk on TV.

This is officially the most boring entry I've written. **Insert cute and folksy Sarah Palin eye-wink here.**

Some Ruthisms

Aunt Squeaky is getting married on Halloween, this weekend Ruth and I attended her bridal shower. Poor Roo was very confused about why everyone was coming to Auntie Amy's house to take a shower. When I told her it was almost time for the shower to start, she said: "I don't WANT to take a shower"!

This weekend there was lots of wedding talk, and on the ride home from the festivities, I asked the twins if they were going to get married someday. Ruth said "Mama, us getting married". I asked for clarification and she said "Me and Alden, us getting married". Well, I guess that is one way to save money on their weddings. We might need to move to Arkansas.....

Today we met up with Nick for lunch, as we were leaving he took Ruthie to the potty. When they came back he showed me a wet spot on the back of her jeans, she likes to lean back when she pees, which results in a stream of urine shooting over the front of the bowl. It's lovely. When we were loading them into the car, Nick decided to take off her pants since we were just going straight home for naps. Ruthie yelled "Mama, daddy peepee onna my pants, now I naked!" I said: "Daddy peeed on your pants?" She yelled: "Yup, him peed on my pants!"

On the ride home from lunch, both kids were a little punchy. Ruthie had her bunty (pacifier) and she decided to hide it from Alden. From the backseat I hear: "Mama, I hidda my bunty in my bottom. It's inna my panties", then she has a fit of giggles. Me, horrified, driving on the freeway: "Your bunty is in your booty?" Her, giggling: "Yup, I hide it from Alden so he no take it." Giggle giggle giggle. OMG. I don't know where she actually hid it, but it was in her hand when we pulled up in front of our house.